I want to make more friends. I don't have a whole lot at school. Do you have any advice for making some? -KP”
Dear KP-
(This may be confusing, and if it is, I apologize. Sherlock kept me up last night shooting the wall again.)
The teen and pre-teen years can be exceptionally hard when it comes to friendships. My advice for you would be just get a conversation going with someone you think would be a good friend. Maybe someone who sits next to you in history class. Or maybe find someone who sits alone during lunch, and sit with them. Sounds easy, doesn’t it? Problem is, it isn’t always, especially if you’re an introvert rather than an extrovert (shy as opposed to outgoing and friendly). A good way to start conversation is to introduce yourself. Simply a “Hey” or “Hello” works to begin with. If it’s lunchtime, maybe ask if you can join that person. Next, I suggest a compliment. Comment on their clothing or anything else you notice about that person that you like. Then tell them your name (if they don’t already know your name) and, if you don’t already know their name, ask them what their name is. If you do know what their name is, ask them, “So-and-so, right?” so that a) you don’t sound like a stalker and b) you don’t seem like a know-it-all. After you know each other’s names, that’s when things usually hit a dead end. However, this doesn’t have to happen. Ask questions. Get the other person talking. Because you started the conversation and don’t just sit there saying nothing, the other person will think you’re friendly and will feel more open towards you, and all you have to do is ask questions. If you’re in history class (or any class) comment about the homework or ask how they like the class. Ask what their favorite subject is in school. Just keep asking questions that will let you get to know this person better. When you’re passing someone in the hall, smile at them. Anything to let the other person know that you want to be on friendly terms with them.
Another word of advice before I end: choose your friends wisely. Oftentimes we become who are friends are, even if we’re nothing like them to begin with. If we choose friends who end up being drug users and we are therefore hanging around that type of behavior all the time, we start to think that it’s an okay lifestyle. Then we think, “Well, I might just try it once.” And then things go downhill. (I chose an extreme example, and drug users are not the only problem people out there. There are also the people who text in class right in front of the teacher because they don’t even care what the teacher thinks and who never do their homework. You don’t want to end up like that, either.) Think of it this way-you are standing on a chair, and the other person is standing on the ground. Is it easier for you to pull them up onto the chair or easier for them to pull you down from the chair? Even if you’re fighting to stay on the chair and they’re not fighting you when you pull them up onto the chair, it’s much easier for them to pull you down, isn’t it? So I end with this again: choose your friends wisely.
Good luck,
--Dr. John Watson
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