*Sigh*. Where do I start? Well, we might as well get it over with: I'm afraid of growing up. Lame, lame, I know, I know. But it's true. Hearing all about the (Presidential) election coming up this November, and hearing my older sister talk about college . . . well, I'm scared. That I'll make a wrong decision or something and end up breaking. You might as well call me Peter Pan. I mean, I see a lot of adults who are/were successful, but then I see people like Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen and I'm scared I'll end up like them. (Not that I'm planning on doing drugs/going into the acting business.) Is there any advice that you can give me to overcome this fear? Oh, and did I mention I'm 12? -H.G.”
Dear H.G.
Well, “Peter,” this is not an unusual feeling to get. Typically, the younger you are the older you want to be, and the older you are the younger you want to be. Take nap time in preschool for example: who didn’t hate nap time? Why waste precious daytime when you could be finger-painting a masterpiece or running through puddles in the rain? But the older you get, the more you don’t have time for extra sleep, the more you want it. All I can say is, enjoy the time you have now. By worrying about tomorrow, you’ll find you wasted today away, just like you wasted nap time away. If you enjoy today, then tomorrow you can look back and smile. Or, if you’re going through a harder time, you can look back later and see that you made it through, even when it seemed like the dark times would never end.
As for the actors you mentioned (Lindsey and Charlie) do you want to know why they ended up like they did? They worried. They worried about what everyone else was thinking about them: this is peer pressure. (Middle school and high school are the worst times regarding peer pressure. I think anyone who has lived through those times will agree.) Don’t cave in. Choose your friends wisely.
Regarding success…as Albert Schweitzer once said: “Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.” In other words, don’t focus on being successful. So many people nowadays forget about what really matters and instead focus on working towards their goal (money, which is what is considered being successful nowadays). Watch this video Lost Generation Is this not amazing? What I want you to get from that video is this: do not focus on “succeeding” in the sense that money is good. Succeed in whatever makes you happy (remember the Albert Schweitzer quote?) there are many people who never wanted to grow up, and guess where they work now? They work with Pixar. They work at Walt Disney World. They are happy, and not because they make lots and lots of money (although I am sure they have a very nice paycheck) but they are happy because they are doing what they love and re-living their childhood. You do have to become an adult, but that doesn’t mean you have to grow up.
And er, one more thing: based on studies that have been done over the years, chances are that when the time comes for you to go off to college, you will be more than ready. When the time comes for you to leave home and get a job to buy a car, you will be more than ready. I have met many people who, like you, were afraid to grow up-they did not want to go to college or start moving out. However, by the time college neared, they could not wait to move on with their life and become an adult. This does not mean they do not still enjoy things from their childhood, it just means that when the time came, they were ready to become an adult. For you, you have close to 5 or 6 years before college will be knocking on your door. A lot can change in that time. Who knows, you may even be excited to start researching colleges, discover what major you wish to pursue, all of that.
Remember: you can mature but not grow up, and you can also (like our dear friend Sherlock) grow up but not mature.
Have a wonderful day, H.G.
--Dr. John Watson
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